Today I returned to work after nearly three months off.  I was a ball of nerves. I work at the same hospital where Simon died.  Would my emotions be out of control?  Would I remember all the details of my job, from the paperwork, to the patient care, to assisting our doctors? Would I miss the kids? The answers are no, yes, and no!

Last night, a dear friend brought over a snack bag, breakfast for today, and an encouraging card. The tenant and her fiance brought over a pinata for the kids – just because. It set the tone for a positive outlook on the next step in this journey. I woke up early this morning, put on freshly washed scrubs, new Crocs (don’t judge, they are the most comfortable shoes ever), and dropped off the kids early. It was raining. It hasn’t rained since the night Simon died.  While walking from my car to my building, I passed the building where Simon spent his last days. I took a deep breath and before I even had a chance to get worked up, a car that was the same make and model as Simon’s (2008 Mazda 3) drove slowly past me. It’s like Simon and God have teamed up to show silly yet affirming signs that all will be okay.

As I walked in my building, sunflowers were waiting, dropped off by another friend.  Hugs were plentiful.  There were very few tears or I’m-so-sorrys and many smiles with It’s-so-good-to-see-yous.  The day flew by.  It was seamless.  It felt so rewarding to be back in the place where I’ve spent 20 hours a week for eight years.  The best part is doing whatever I can to make it a safe, welcoming, empowering place for our patients, just like so many medical staff did for us just weeks ago. As I drove away from the hospital, what do I see in my rear view mirror?  Another Mazda 3. I could nearly hear Simon saying he was proud of me.

The kids were at my folks’ house.  My mom had picked them up from school and  prepared a tasty dinner for us all to celebrate a successful day.  And when I arrived at my home, yet another friend had shown love in a tangible way.  Even though she lives out of the country, she had arranged a cleaning service to spruce up the entire place.  Freshly washed linens, spotless counter tops, sparkling bathrooms, and more. And, as if it could get better, yet another friend came over to help with homework and to let me take an uninterrupted shower.

My heart is full.