Simon and I did not have a perfect marriage. It was pretty spectacular, but not perfect. We discussed that one of our mutual weaknesses was not fighting fairly or efficiently. We would bicker late at night when someone was often tired or hungry, and logic was irrational. We wanted to go to counseling but were on a tight budget and never got around to it. We have some funds leftover from Simon’s medical care and continue to receive donations, so the kids and I started counseling with a licensed therapist. She came highly recommended by a close friend who is also a licensed therapist (but can’t see us because she is a close friend!). Our therapist specializes in trauma and children’s issues, but works with all ages. So she sees me individually, sees all four of us, and works with each child as needed. It seems to be just the right fit.
I did not feel like any of our feelings during this process were getting out of control or completely irrational. But I also didn’t feel like I had all the answers and everything figured out. Even with therapy, I don’t feel like I have it all figured out. But our sessions together have been helping tremendously during this season. The right questions are being asked to guide us through our feelings and direct us toward healing. The therapist has been accurately assessing each child and empowers me with tools to tailor my parenting style for each child. In my personal journey, she has helped me ask myself the right questions as I make decisions for the future. She understands and respects our faith and relationship with Jesus. That is incorporated into our sessions appropriately.
The details will end there. I love sharing our journey with you all but also have the need for some privacy. Grief gets deeply personal and looks different for everyone. I have personally found therapy to be very helpful and would recommend it under the care of a well trained specialist. I can see the advantages of attending for just about anyone. Something she said recently stuck with me.
“Life matters. It matters from the moment you are conceived. It matters when you take your last breath.”