Reconciliation: Part One

When I was seven years old, I met my best friend. She was new to our school and we just clicked. Between school and church, we spent six days a week together for years. Often, we would beg our mothers to let us hang out on Saturdays because we would miss each other. We thought…
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Trash Day

Some days are easier than others – the busyness of life or fun activities distract from the fact that my husband and children’s father died less than two months ago. And then comes trash day.  I have not taken out the trash for almost 10 years.  We shared certain tasks around the house and divided…
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Crazy Things: Japan

It was spring 2003. College graduation was approaching.  I was getting the itch to do something crazy. Moving back to Texas was definitely on my mind but I wanted to work through the summer and build up my savings.  My parents knew I loved to travel and offered to buy me a plane ticket somewhere…
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Getting Help

Simon and I did not have a perfect marriage.  It was pretty spectacular, but not perfect.  We discussed that one of our mutual weaknesses was not fighting fairly or efficiently.  We would bicker late at night when someone was often tired or hungry, and logic was irrational.  We wanted to go to counseling but were…
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Getting Out

Because Simon traveled often for work and because of his borderline introvert tendencies, we stayed home often when he was here.  When he would return from a few day or weeks away, he wanted to be home.   We would have family movie nights, read books together, play basketball in the backyard, or just sit…
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Crazy Things: Donkey Balls

(This is the second post in a short series of crazy things I’m fessing up to that did in my younger days so my kids don’t think I’m the most boring mom on the planet.) Back in May 2001, my older brother drove me back to California from Texas after a semester exchange. (That exchange…
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Back to Work

Today I returned to work after nearly three months off.  I was a ball of nerves. I work at the same hospital where Simon died.  Would my emotions be out of control?  Would I remember all the details of my job, from the paperwork, to the patient care, to assisting our doctors? Would I miss…
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The New Normal

I am definitely in a more fragile state than I was a month ago. Simon’s absence is becoming more evident as the kids and I learn to navigate the new normal.  We had a pretty consistent routine. Then he died.  And we’re grieving. And we’re trying to figure out what is going to work best…
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Crazy Things: The Stranger

As a newly widowed mom,  I imagine I’ll be inclined to take less risks and therefore translate as a boring mom to my kids in the next few months or years. Guess what, kids?  Your mom used to be a little crazy, still has some whimsy, and just may be super fun again someday. In the…
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The Last Email

It has been a month and a day since Simon died.  Sometimes it seems like it was a lifetime ago, sometimes it still seems like he should be walking through the front door any minute, as though he was just gone on a long trip. The kids and I are coping and getting back into…
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The Campout

Simon had been planning a campout with our son for his birthday for months.  They would have a few friends join in for a night of s’mores, games, and sleeping in a tent in my folk’s large backyard. We all put those plans to rest when Simon got sick. I tolerate the outdoors and was…
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